Screenwriting Tip: Sentence Crafting

As a screenwriter you maybe have the movie running in your head, but what you should aim for is your audience, meaning the readers of your script (and not the viewers of the produced piece). The scriptwriter's weapons are sentences, and words.

We deal with art in time, and we want to reflect the time feeling in our script. You should be able to control your reader's reading tempo: when does he takes a breath, when does he reads fast. there are several ways of manipulating your script to do so, and one of those ways is the descending sentence.

Descending sentence is used to slow down the tempo of the reading, to create almost a halt, a pause in the script. To create a 'moment' without writing that artificial word 'pause'. Because nobody just pauses. There is always something happening, even the smallest thing.

Let us see this descending sentence in action. I use a draft of Coen Brothers' script for A Serious Man. I found this draft on Script-O-rama. Their scripts are such a delight to read, so fluent, like a story. So they are great to learn from.

His point-of-view: very close on the face of a classroom clock. We hear its electrical hum. Its red sweep-second hand crawls around the dial very, very slowly.

The last sentence in this short paragraph is a descending sentence. Of course, there are a few techniques used here to slow down the tempo: the repeat (very, very), the actual choice of words (crawls, slowly), but we focus on the sentence crafting.

It splits into three parts:

1. Its red sweep-second hand (5)
2. crawls around the dial (4)
3. very, very slowly. (3)

By using less words for each part, our reading tempo declines. It's a matter of delicate sentence design, something you feel more as you read it, and as you master the language and the use of words more - so this technique will come naturally to you. Feeling is everything here.

Try it yourself on everyday sentences, get the feeling of this, get crafty!

The Return of the Screenwriter

so I've been away, finished my studies, decided there's nothing for me in the screenwriting business, built some websites, cut my hair, and now I'm ready to write again.

But enough about me. There's a new journal for screenwriting, published by Intellect. The first issue is free online, and you can find it here. I saw the TOC and it looks promising, now I'll take my time and delve into the essays.

Until I can write, I must read.

MA in Screenwriting in London?

Couldn't resist to adding this picture, though it has little to do with the subject of this post. The only connection is that those puppies are mixed Spaniel/Prince Charles and therefore quite British in origin.

After months of USA dreams I finally came to realize a degree in the UK would fit me much more. Why? Well it's closer to where I live now, and I can work and live there not on a student visa (which also means I can stay there after graduating and use my contacts).

The only real plus the US had (besides the weather) was the actual content of studies. But since I know how the higher education system works (great titles for courses that has no connection to the real content of the course), the most important thing for me in the MA/MFA program in screenwriting is the contacts I'll make and the opportunity to use them.

A friend of mine just graduated NYU and after a year of small internships had to return home since her visa has expired. Scriptwriting is a hard business and one year is really too short to use your contacts from school and find a work place to give you sponsorship. It's not impossible, but it's a risk.

So where can I study scriptwriting in the UK?

A few years back I almost started the BA program at Bournemouth University. It was great living by the beach and the university itself seemed serious. But it's so far from where the action is, that it seemed foolish to study there (especially as a foreigner). Besides, bournemouth University does not offer (as far as I know) an MA program in screenwriting.

Besides the decision of the location of your studies, you need to consider the two types of schools: the film school vs. the university. Studying in film school (such as London Film School or the National Film and Television School - which is not in London) will give you the opportunity to see your work produced while you're still in school. It's a big adventage, since in the real world it might take you years before that happens.

Writers and filmmakers quotes I've heared lately

"The good writer seems to be writing about himself, but has his eye always on that thread of the Universe which runs through himself and all things."
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The purpose of a writer is to keep civilization from destroying itself."
– Albert Camus

"There are some books that refuse to be written. They stand their ground year after year and will not be persuaded. It isn't because the book is not there and worth being written -- it is only because the right form of the story does not present itself. There is only one right form for a story and if you fail to find that form the story will not tell itself."
– Mark Twain

"I write to discover what I think."
– Joan Didion

“MODERN CINEMA IS A CODE.”
– Gus Van Sant

Writing a good monologue

For me, writing a monologue is a real tough business. I like to use minimal number od spoken words in my scripts, and my characters never give lectures. So it always seems contrived when I put a monologue in their mouth. Unless, of course, I do it good. And there are ways to write a good monologue.

What is a monologue, and why do we need it?

the whole idea is that monologue consists of change. The character's emotions are changing, or its ability to express it changes. So we don't get a lecture, we get drama. Inner drama covered by words. The use of monologue lets us expose the character, even if the words are just a disguise. Also, a monologue in the right moment in the script can get the theme on the surface. Don't make it too obvious, though. Let it be found.

The Four Emotions

You thought humans are complex, think again. At the end there are only four basic emotions you need to deal with: Happiness, Sadness, Fear and Anger. All other emotions are a combination of two or more of those four. Just like a painter, mix and match the basic emotions to touch your character's wound and transfer it through the journey of the script, the scene, the monologue.

Animation, combined technique

MUTO a wall-painted animation by BLU from blu on Vimeo

Don't forget your readers know a thing or two

Adam Sandler is an actor I really like in dramas and really don't like in comedies. Now his new film is out, You Don't Mess With the Zohan, and from the title alone I could tell you it's crap.

The story is about an Israeli who arrives NY to be a hairdresser. The original name of the Israeli was Boaz, a real Israeli name. Then they changes it to Zohan, which is nothing. For me it really said a lot about the rest of the film. It's a comedy, yes, but there is a real world behind it. Like every fantasy must have a clear set of rules to be plausible, so is a comedy. The reality that is the background of the story and the hero (in that case Israel and the war in the middle east) is very clear. How come the name of the hero is not part of this set of rules? Maybe they thought it sounded better, maybe they were afraid of too much realism that will make their comedy less funny, I don't know. For an Israeli guy, and especially the guy they chose to represent the ex-soldier macho, Zohan is not an option for a name. They could call him Zohar, which is a real name and the name of the Kabbalah book. Or just Boaz would be fine.

So when you're writing a script, don't forget there are people with some knowledge who read it. Jargon, slang and at least the basic set of principles of the described world - they should be correct. That's it.

Screenwriters' lab with Tawfik Abu Wael

As part of the student film festival in tel Aviv, I went to the screenwriters' lab with Tawfik Abu Wael. It wasn't really a workshop, it looked more like a local version of Actors' Studio (a show I enjoy a lot). Only the interviewer wasn't as bright as the bearded man at Actors' Studio.

Tawfik was charming. Very good looking, say what he thinks and never takes himself too seriously. I enjoyed looking at him while he talked. Yes, he's the most beautiful Israeli director. Competition is not very high, as most of the directors are spoiled skinny asses that are too pale to stand under the set lightning.

A funny moment was when the interviewer asked him if he had a cinema where he grew up, and Tawfik said that he didn't but when he was 14-15 he went to Tel Aviv to watch movies at the cinemas there. The interviewer asked him then: "how did you arrive to tel Aviv? you just took the bus..?". Tawfik gave her a De Niro look that says: "are you kidding me lady?" and someone from the audience said "he came here on his donkey". This was just a short moment that showed how for some Israelies an arab Israeli is always an Arab, that lives somewhere 'not far, not close, but never grasped'.

What's your favorite Coen brothers' film?

I loved No Country for Old Men, and after watching the trailer of the new Coen brothers' film, I can't wait to watch it. Seems like the summer film I'd enjoy. I also like the title: Burn After Reading.
I've always loved their films, also the way they write their script is great, making reading a pleasure.

I thought Blood Simple was excellent, also Miller Junction. Barton Fink is great, but a bit too much with the "hell" motif. A bit too simple perhaps. I hated, really hated, the film they've made with Cloony and Catherine (forgot the name, the one with the divorce lawyer). I don't like Cloony and anywhere he's in is not a place for me to be. I also thought the other film, with the robbery from the basement of the old black woman - that film was not good as well.

Alright, it's 9AM, must get this writing going before the day will fall on me!

Making your script visual

sometimes you have a very dull scene. Like, you need to show a conversation between two guys and it really has nothing special in it. Make it visually interesting so your audience (and readers) will have an extra detail to hang on to.

The bandaid on Wallace's nape is a great example. We feel Bruce's pain, and we don't need to see Wallace's face. It's actually much better without seeing it. The bandaid does the trick for keeping us interested visually (as our mind is searching for an explanation or meaning in this small disturbing detail).

Make sure your script has this visual side, or else why would we watch?